93lbs

I've let myself go a little over the paster few months, went up from 84lbs to 99lbs, finally got my ass into gear and actually doing something about it. Probably going to start posting on my blog more just for something to do. I made a thinpiration collage yesterday and stuck it on my wall, just for something to do. Got my chest pains back but oh well. I should get used to it really.

Finally

Actually managed a day with out food! first in over 2 weeks i think... Well I was 6st 7 yesterday and 6st 5 today! So thats good

Got to orthodontists later on today :S I'm sure she will say something about my teeth! Dentists are good at spotting bulimics.

Aranged to get some cigs today aswell which i wanted to help surpress my apetite, if i feel like i want to eat really badly I can just have one of them.

Still having stupid boy problems, I think it would be okay if I atleast new whether Sean liked me or not, he takes hours to reply to my texts though. Tbh I think he's a little out of my league and maybe i should be setting my sites a little lower. He prefers curvier girls :( which is not something that will ever work to my advantage. Although i think nearly all guys prefer a few curves on a girl. A walking skeliton is hardly attractive, despite what an anorexic might think. I don't find overly thin guys attactive so i can't see why anyone would find me attractive. I realise the obvious thing to do would be to gain weight, sadly i can't quite bring myself to do that...

Hope today goes well! Only time will tell...

I'm a bit of a joke

Gone up to 6st 6. keep binging and purging. Just feel so empty guess eating makes me feel better, but only while I eat. Don't really feel like writing much but oh well.

6st

6st/84lbs this morning. Not really as happy about it as I could be. I think the joy of losing weight has gone, I don't want to gain weight either, but I'm starting to care less.

Still in pain, back is really pissing me off. I think I need to recover but I don't know how. I'm seeing Tim next week so maybe I need to talk to him.

BMI is 12.8

86lbs

So I binged yesterday, 2 buttery croisant, pasta and cheese (alot) and peanut butter on toast. Purged it, obviously, and this morning, yet again, I am at a new low. I'm sure I should be happier, but losing weight has started to lose its kick. Don't get me wrong I would hate to gain! I decided I was gunna see how far I can push my body. Was watching something on tv yesterday and this health person said that when bmi reaches about 13 death occurs, my bmi is 13.1... Shouldn't be alive for much longer really! I'm just waiting to cock up though and gain shit loads. I would like to know how I am managing to lose weight despite my b/p sessions, but I would fight it. Just have even more aches and pains each day.

New low

I'm now 87lbs (6st 3)

I don't really understand how I am losing as, for the last few days, I have been binging and purging, I guess I must have finally cracket getting up nearly everything. Would be nice to have a purge free day so I am not planning to eat anything today.

I ache all over. I really wish someone would notice what I'm doing to myself and advise me to seek help. I know I'm not strong enough to get help on my own.

Guess I'll just keep losing till I die, which has been one of my aims all along.

On a different note; I have a new idot, not because she is anorexic (I don't think she is and don't have the right to say she is), but because I think she is so beautiful.

I love Lily Cole!

I wonder how today will go...

I'm done

Right well I've gained 6lbs in the last 4 days.... not good to be honest.

Gunna have to step it up a gear. I just need to stop counting on other people to have a good time and rely on me for a change.

Gunna go swimming tomorrow then to the gym. I'll get up for a shower and maybe even a run actually. Do work in free's at school and in the evening. Wacth thinspo vids and early nights.

I really need to make this work for me else i think i will have to be a failure, i'm not ready to give up yet!